We've all got something, that digs at us...

casey what??

2008-04-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

supposidly (spelling? haha) this is what my name means:

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

ummm idk if this is all true?

I know we'll have each other, when everything else is gone...

2008-04-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

We all have someone that digs at us, at least we dig each other.

so everyone that i've met that actually means something to me down here... thank you. although i will be leaving soon, i feel like i've made life long friends, the kind that stick around. the kind that you know you'll see often even though you might live hundreds of miles away. the kind a man can count on. the kind a man could trust. the kind that will always be there for you. i love you guys. y'all mean the world to me. and i want you to know that i'll always do the same for you.

<3

cleaning out my closet...

2008-03-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

wow after this past weekend, i really feel like i'm mentally starting to get somewhere. there were a few things i feel like i had to put an end to and set behind me before i could move forward.

a couple weeks ago, i switched rooms in my apartment and ended up finding a TON of things i had completely forgotten about... some good, some bad. i proceeded to throw the bad things out and repack the good things that i dont currently need. there was this one box though, that i couldnt bring myself to throw out, and was neither good or bad.

this box had a ton of history between myself and my very first girlfriend... i was with her for about two years. the best two year span of my life. i can say this because in that time i learned how to love, care, comprimise and be patient with someone who i felt that was very special and close to me. anyways, this box had almost all of her notes and a really nice picture album of her and i growing up, meeting, and then being together. i had to stop what i was doing and look through the album. that wasnt nearly as hard as reading the notes. i couldnt get through more than three before i decided it was time to stop. it was then that i realized that since 10th grade, i still have not had a girl care for me like she did. i've been in 3 serious relationships since then... so i feel that is saying a lot. in those three letters, i felt more love than the past 4 years combined. and realized at the same time that my friends and family are the ones who have been carrying me throughout it. so if any of you are reading this, thank you so much. you have no idea how much i appriciate it.

i couldnt throw the album away, she put way too much work into it - so i gave it back to her, i could tell that she appriciated it. i also gave the notes back to her because i felt that i could not throw them away either. but theres no way that i could hang onto them, there is no hope for us ever being together again. and i always felt in my heart that there was always a chance, but finally realized that there wasn't. she met a great guy a few months after we broke up and is still with him to this day, i wish the both of them the best of luck.

so after i hung out with her and her family for a while and told them my plans for the future, it was time for me to leave. i shook everyones hand and then hugged her. when we hugged each other, she said to me 'good luck, cas.' and that was the exact moment i knew everything was overwith for good. it was basically the final goodbye (although i know i will see her soon again)... but it was the last straw in the story of her and i. i will still love her forever, i will still try to be her best friend until the day i die, and i will always be there for her, no matter what.

its kind of liberating, really. i feel like the chapter is closed, and i truely am happy with the situation. and even if i think i am not sometimes, its important to pretend i am, for my own sake. if it wasnt for this great girl, i wouldnt know how to treat a woman today. she has set the bar high for what i need and am looking for, but i know when i find the one that tops her, she'll be the one for the rest of my life. thanks for everything JRVB...

goodnight.

dont tread on me.

2008-03-18T21:37:00.000-07:00

alright.

i've been noticing a few different things lately, one big one is the subject of how much men/boys 'suck,' or, 'are stupid,' or, 'how they ruin things.' i've seen this on countless people's walls, comment boards, profiles and personal messages... well ladies, you best check yourselves. first, do you honestly think or feel that 'all men suck...' etc? because if you feel that way, you can bet that you will never find a man to respect you. no decent man anyway. second, why is it that we suck? i mean, you do realize that there are 3 billion+ men on this planet?? until you've met every single one of us, hold your tounge. look at what and who you're looking for. if you havent found anyone worthwhile, dont you think that it might have something to do with the type of people you're dating? i hate to play doctor phil, but jesus christ, try something new for a change. third, i dont know if you've noticed or not, but it takes two to tango. ever think one of the reasons why things go bad might be because of you? for real, things are just as much your fault as it is ours. if things dont work out for the better, theres always more than one reason. and one person (whether its the man or woman) is never ALL to blame...

there are few things more agrivating to me than when women put down men as if they they know us all. NEWS FLASH: there are decent, good looking, hard working, respectible, fun loving, good smelling men out there. and just because you havent found the one yet, dont shit on all of us. granted, there are a ton of scumbags out there - but they obviously arent looking for the same things as you are. ya feel me? God i could go on forever about this, but am way too tired, and feel like i dont have to defend myself any further.

.casey

going back to where i came from

2008-03-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

well today was kind of a downer but i really dont know why? i slept in, didnt have any class... so that was pretty nice. i had some time to myself in a quiet apartment while my roommates were gone, that was nice too. i played guitar when i woke up, was hard because my fingers were pretty resistant to work so early in the day, but they came around eventually :P i didnt even go into work early, just chilled all day until about 1, hopped in the shower and relaxed, eventually going to work at 2.

so i was in my shop today and we had all the bay doors open because it was soooo nice out! close to 50 degrees... tomorrow is going to be the same :D i'm very excited to go home. i miss all my friends back there, and all the friends that will be back during thier spring break... i'm predicting a very fun and productive weekend. sucks too tho because i'm going to one of my friends going away parties, gonna miss him - he's moving to LA. lucky. BUT i wont be too far behind :) :) :) :)

if there is one thing that i think of everyday - its california. my vacation there is going to be completely sublime. for some reason, i think that state has the answers to all of my questions... i feel like going/staying/living on the west coast is really what i need to continue this life. and to pretty much start it. i've had a dream to see and live on the ocean since i was a child. finally, its coming true. i almost cant believe it...

was looking through some papers, yearbooks and old poetry (wow that stuff sucked haha) today, brought back a ton of memories. some were memories that i'd just rather forget, some that i'll treasure forever... but more on that later - i must be heading to bed, for i have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow :)

sweet dreams you...

meet me at my window...

2008-03-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

sitting here in my living room, looking out of my 2nd story patio door past the railing and into the half stalked corn field across the street... i've realized that in this life, we really are never alone. no matter how lonely we feel, there is always someone else feeling the same. i cant help but think how many times i've been sad, and thought the world was against me. growing older, i've seen that things could always be worse. if there is one thing that i have taught myself, its to observe others well. realize what someone else may be going through and try to put myself in their position. more often than not, i couldn't even gauge the extent of my feelings because i have no idea how terrible something could be.

this has made me more humble.

there are manythings that you realize/gain/find out as you get older. although i dont think that i am 'old' persay, i do believe that the last two years have been such a learning experience, i feel that i've grown to be so much more mature. emotionally, that is. lord knows i still love to party and i still love being young, but now i have goals. i have ideas. i have ambition. i have drive. i have learned to become more creative with life. i'm ready to explore what i can really give to someone. and because it hasn't worked out in the past, doesn't mean that it wont work out in the future. but i am definately waiting patiently for the other half of this oh so complicated equation to waltz into my life. i feel no need to rush, and believe that when the time is right... everything will balance out.

so as i'm finishing this up, looking at that one star over the watertower in the distance, acrossed the field, i wonder if anyone else is looking at the same star? and i wonder if they're wondering the same thing? i wonder if i'd ever meet that person, but never know that it was them who was looking at that same star? this world is full of so many mysteries, so many things to think about, so many things to talk about...

speak.

- cas

what an absolutely beautiful day.

2008-03-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

so i woke up this morning, tired as hell... cant believe that i actually drug my tired butt outta bed! i ended up sleeping for a good 2 1/2 hours, i cant fall asleep if my feet are cold... and it took about a half hour for them to warm up :) but after that, i slept like a log haha!

i was in class today, not doing much of anything really, and realized that it was going to be a great day - and it was! i slept for about three hours in class... didnt miss anything though. it was quite a waste of a day as far as school went. tomorrow should be fun, i've got lab :D at work, i did a few jobs but mostly sat around. i took a nap in my car durring break, i was in the sun, so it was rather pleasant.

oh yeah thats funny too - midwest weather. its cold as a polar ice cap in the morning, but by the time noon rolls around its almost 50 degrees. i cant wait until this weather gets a little bit warmer, i hate it when its cold and it doesnt snow. idk, maybe i'm just used to it because i'm from wisconsin? yeah, that should explain everything lol

i was test driving a customer's car the other day - i liked the music that was on and realized it was a CD, so i popped it out and looked. the name of the band is sanctus real. if you like the music that i like, you might like them... download 'the fight song', its pretty good. the rest of their stuff is growing on me now.

i plan on writing later but i was bored right now :P

casey james john jospeh warning... in a nutshell :D

2008-03-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

i love the sun, wish i could see more of it. i'm not demanding. i actually like to clean :P i treat others how i'd like to be treated. i am a gentleman. my mother taught me well. i love to read. i strongly dislike illinois drivers and traffic. i like to complain :) i'm newly optimistic. i love living on my own. i am a hard worker. when i decide i'm going to do something - i dont stop until it is done. i love working out. soccer = love. i want to surf. i'd love to travel. i cant wait to move to the coast. i am a terrible speller. pretty bad with gramar too. i can speak broken spanglish if i have to try. i love smiling. i love making other people smile. i'm kind of shy. sometimes i try too hard. some things in life i will never understand. i'm done re-living the past. i'm changing my future everyday. i will someday do something to help the world. i am a believer. i love my family. i write down lyrics of songs all the time. i listen to music with heart behind it. i write music with heart behind it. my guitar expresses who i am. i'm constantly learning. i stay up later than i really should, which equals i rely on coffee to keep me going in the morning. i'm a stupendous cook. you will never meet a better iPod 'brick' player than i :) okay, might be a little bit nerdy. i work well with others. i make fun out of everything i do, otherwise life is too boring. i should probably go to sleep, but will keep writing. i'm pretty lost without my phone. not sure that i could go a day without listening to some killer music. i cannot tell the future. nobody can. i feel naked when i dont have any facial hair. i do what i want. i probably procrastonate too much. i love green beans. while i'm on the subject of food - pudgy pies ROCK. camping also = love. if you need to know anything else, message me :D